Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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