So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
