Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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