Sry I called you an 8
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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