And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
