I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
