ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
