i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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