yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
