somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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