I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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