No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
