I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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