So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
