Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
