I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
