I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
