I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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