wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
