i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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