If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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