im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
