Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
