Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
