Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
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You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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