my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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