they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
