you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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