so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize