dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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