I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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