I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
