just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
