He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
