people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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