Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
