"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
