I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
