Someone shit on the floor
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
if only i could text you this smell
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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