An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
