"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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