she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
