Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
