I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
