And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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