She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
