boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
