and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
