Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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