Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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