So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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