Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
