R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
