allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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