i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
