I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
