i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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