I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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