dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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