school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
