Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
