Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
